Hold on to the BAD times?

I was watching a video recently, and the guy said that when he asked people to tell him about a time that made them who they are as a human being, they never recounted good stories. There were hard times that changed them; the loss of a friend or family member, an illness or an accident. Not once did they credit comfort. It was always suffering.

Isn't suffering bad?

I keep thinking about the quote about bad times making people strong and good times making them weak, and I can't help wondering if I've suffered enough to be considered a "strong" person? Or am I just another weak person, trying to convince himself he is strong? I've had a pretty straight-forward life. I've had good times and bad. Friends have died. I’ve been sick. I’ve had accidents. But I wouldn't say I've suffered. I feel like those good times and bad times definitely helped me grow, but is that suffering?

When I think of suffering, I think about people starving, being homeless, being beaten, or being enslaved. I've never experienced any of these. I did live in a friend's garage for a winter trying to save up for an apartment, but I always had a parent I could go live with if worse came to worst.

Does that make me soft—because I've only struggled, not suffered? I believe I’m softer for not having suffered like that. I believe that those who have experienced homelessness, addiction, hunger, etc. are stronger than I am. If they went through those horrible things and survived. Not that I might not survive, but because I don't know for sure what I would do given the same circumstance.

Should I be trying to suffer more?

Should I be actively putting myself in situations to suffer more? I know it sounds insane to even say it, but it is how we grow. It is exactly what we do when we exercise: we push the muscles past the breaking point, so that they grow stronger. If suffering makes you stronger, and I want to be stronger, shouldn't I suffer more?

What do I do? Sell everything I own, give all the money away, and go "walkabout" like Cain from Kung Fu? Jesus once advised a rich man to do just that: sell all his stuff and give the money to the poor. He suffered being crucified. I've read about Siddartha joining the ascetics and living off the kindness of strangers. They embraced suffering as a path to enlightenment. I've had friends who grew up in poverty, in abusive households, around gangs, and they are some of the strongest people I know. I strive to be that strong, but doesn't that mean I need to suffer more? I also realize just how privileged I am that I even get to ask this question.

Isn't it dishonest to actively suffer?

Some of those who've suffered did not choose to suffer. Don't I honor them by playing at suffering? I have advantages. I don't have to suffer. I have a degree, many years of experience in a field that still has good-paying jobs, am I dishonoring those who don't have my good situation, by not taking advantage of it? I keep thinking about that part in Good Will Hunting when Chuckie tells Will that if he's still here in 20 years, he's gonna kick his ass. Well, I did cash in that lottery ticket, and found out it was only worth twenty bucks... now what?

Maybe there's a more reasonable path?

Maybe I don't have to go full-on traveling Kung Fu monk to become stronger. Maybe it's just about living again. Getting out into the world and suffering with others. Letting others into my life—and being in theirs. Living smaller, and more deliberately. Leaning less on institutions and more on my fellow humans. It's not gonna be easy, but I'm no stranger to struggle.